I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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