If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
