strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
