you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
