Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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