My underwear smells like fireworks.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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