You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
