I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
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