You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
