I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
