WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Randomize
