Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
