So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
