Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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