Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
