When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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