R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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