A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
