Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
