I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
