I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
