The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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