I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
babies were throwing up all over the place
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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