Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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