He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Randomize
