He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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