You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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