I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
This gyro tastes like lonliness
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
