I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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