Where is the hickey?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
