So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
