Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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