are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
