i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
