I wanna bring you to show and tell
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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