you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
