Your dad touched me again.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
you made out with another girl for some wings
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
