She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
