Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
