your room smells of hookers.
And success
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
