see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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