She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
