so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
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