Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
