i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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