I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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