i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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