I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
