Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
