I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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