If that was your dad, he is hot
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
